A friend of mine sent me a message on WhatsApp. It said: 

“Someone once said, if you get on the wrong train be sure to get off at the first stop. The longer you stay on the more expensive the return trip is going to cost you.”

They were not talking about trains.

It made me reflect on my past relationship and how I created it together with someone who internally I felt was not the right person for me, and honestly, I was not the right person for him. And yet we stayed on trying to fix something that was not only unfixable, it did not exist.

Besides beautifully creating a very challenging marriage for both of us, we also created success externally. Success that we both had to let go of. The kind of success that was best created by 2 brilliant minds joined together. Having to let go of that was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do. Eventually after way to long, having to go our separate paths and suffer the kind of suffering that going against your intuition creates.

But then, I understand how I could have created that for myself. How could I have known what I know now? For some reason I did not have access to the kind of knowledge I bring to my clients through my coaching. How could I have known, not just mentally but in my being, that I am the reason for it all. That I am the creator of my life, I am the cause. That that is what I believed I deserved, in that moment. That is what I was conditioned to believe I deserved. That experience was just there to show me my mind at that moment and thank God I finally chose to stop and listen. 

This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Spiritual Teacher Teal Swan:

“It is completely understandable why you are the way that you are. You ended up like this to survive the world that was created for you and the subsequent worldview that you came out of that experience with. You are justified to staying the way you are. The question is, what is it costing you?”

The Journey Back Home

Just sit with question for a moment. What is it costing you? Or What did it cost you?

Yes, you might have created a lot working in the opposite of your intuition. Hoping this will change the situation or that will eventually fix things. Then you realized only one thing will change the situation. If YOU changed. 

Yes, the return ticket is expensive. But the journey is worth it. The journey back home to yourself is worth it. 

Every single painful experience in that return journey, if you allow yourself to work with it, shows you the truth of what you are. What you have always been. That you are not only worthy of love, you are love.

And when you know that you are love you can create any experience you want to experience in this lifetime.